Recently, my mom was in Home Depot, where she spied something truly horrific--something no human being, and certainly no lover of succulents, should ever have to witness. I hate to share this picture with you, because you won't be able to purge the image from your mind. But I'll share it as a public service. People need to know. What you see below is, in fact, nearly a dozen spray-painted succulents that I believe were aloe aristatas before they were defaced.
At first, I thought: those big-box store people are ridiculous. They'll try anything for a buck. But no one will like this or think it's a good idea. Such tomfoolery will never catch on. After all, not only does spray-painting beautiful plants plainly desecrate them, but it makes them look weird and unnatural.
Also, I'm no botanist, but I'm pretty sure that covering a plant with paint will inhibit its ability to breathe, and thus to live.
Also, I'm no botanist, but I'm pretty sure that covering a plant with paint will inhibit its ability to breathe, and thus to live.
Then, partly to reassure myself, I googled, "spray-painted succulents."
This was a mistake.
Had I not googled "spray-painted succulents," I never would have known that there is, in fact, a whole cadre of online craftspeople and wedding planners who are positively bursting with enthusiasm at the idea of defacing these drought-tolerant gems of the plant world. I would have remained innocent, optimistic, naive. But no more. Since misery loves company (and since I can't feel adequately aghast unless others are aghast, too), I'll share some of my least favorites.
This was a mistake.
Had I not googled "spray-painted succulents," I never would have known that there is, in fact, a whole cadre of online craftspeople and wedding planners who are positively bursting with enthusiasm at the idea of defacing these drought-tolerant gems of the plant world. I would have remained innocent, optimistic, naive. But no more. Since misery loves company (and since I can't feel adequately aghast unless others are aghast, too), I'll share some of my least favorites.
|  To the left, you can see the dubious creation of whoever writes momadvice.com. She advises that painting succulents can add a "pop of color" to plants. Uhhh... Sure it does. In much the same way that the gentleman to the lower right added a "pop of color" to his face. Or that unwanted graffiti adds a "pop of color" to downtown buildings. |
To add insult to injury, momadvice.com's paint job is shoddy, especially the blue faucaria (what was going on there!?).
Here are some others that I hate.
Here are some others that I hate.
This dum plant waz soo boring n green till I maked it painted now its rad yeah!
Cakktuses r stupid so I spray painted them 4 u
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We luv suklents together so sparklee and glitteree whee!!!
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Take a stand, my dear succ-er friends. This nonsense has got to stop. (Or at least leave a comment below telling me you're as aghast as I am!)
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